I always talk about starting a blog, but yet I never do it. Many things in the last year have pushed me more to get around to this. I'll post when I can, and it will be a mixture of my life, random rants, emotions, all my crochet/knitting projects and the one thing that I live and breath: hair & makeup.
A New Year's Resolution.
Normally I don't believe in New Years Resolutions. They always end up being broken promises and I'm not one to be that way. I'd rather make changes as I go, instead of making a list at the beginning of the year and loosing it six months later. I started to think and look at my life in the past year. Actually, the past two years... And what did I do with my life? Did I make the changes I wanted to make? Did I do the things I was going to say? Did I stick to my guns? It's hard to answer all those questions. There were a lot of things I wanted to do and never did. Decisions I wanted to make and never did. That's something I want to change. I don't want to live with broken promises, dreams and hopes.
2010, I claimed it was my year. I was going to do a million great things. I think what I really wanted most was to be recognized in a salon. To be the hairdresser I always hoped to be. As the economy started to fail more and more. Jobs became more sparse. Watching my parents business turn a complete 180 from what I had always know it to be. I actually contemplated a career change. I sat scared and worried, what was I going to do? I seriously couldn't think of what else I could be. Hairdressing was me. It's the only thing I know. And the only thing I ever felt was my calling, I was made for this. I couldn't fathom a change in careers. It wasn't my job, it was my life! Trading careers would be like giving up my child for adoption that I worked and struggled to create to only give up on it a couple years later. It wasn't an option. I was going to sacrifice and make it work. Somehow, someway. I decided my only option was corporate. It's where hairdressers go to die. It's the end of nothing. You don't get any higher and you sure as hell don't get any lower. (At least, I felt these things before I realized what it would or could do for me.) This was not where I was meant to be. But I swallowed my pride and I took the position. It taught me that I would fight to get where I want to get in life. That I'll sacrifice what I want to make ends meet. To have a little cash to pay the bills. To maintain a clientele base until I grew enough business to leave to a salon I wanted to be at. It also taught me patience and compassion. It taught me that sometimes in life you're dealt a deck of cards and you somehow have to figure out how you're going to win or if you're going to fold.
In the times of being in a corporate salon I met some of the greatest people. They became more than just co-workers for me. They taught me things about hair I didn't know. And I taught them things too. We all worked as a team. We all helped each other. I realized all along that's what I have been wanting. I wanted to be somewhere I felt we all worked together and we all had that same desire in our careers. We helped each other at any given moment no questions asked. We didn't think if we were going to get anything out of it. We just did it. To this day, I miss my Ulta girls, we were a little family and I hope to find that relationship with a salon again someday.
2011. I didn't say anything at the beginning of the year. I didn't tell life I'm making you my bitch. I never said this year is going to be my year. I just kept going. Like it didn't even phase me that a new year was even going to happen. I just kept getting up everyday like it was no different than the day before. I spent most of 2011 just existing and not actually living. I actually have to admit I'm pretty sure 80% of the time I was not happy nor sad, or anything. I was just there. I had my days, like normal, where I was excited about things and days where I felt like life would just be easier if I just crawled into a hole. But I truly have to say, I don't think there was a single day I actually woke up and was happy to be alive. It was something I noticed as the year was ending. And I realized I missed that feeling. Waking up and feeling alive. Waking up and instantly smiling. I just wake up and thinking, "What do I have to do today? What else am I going to have to do today?" And always ended in question with, "do I have more time to sleep?" As a person that always hated sleep. Who felt like there are not enough hours in the day why am I wasting it sleeping? Now all I wanted to do is sleep. Call it getting older. Call it being exhausted. I was seriously regretting all the times I fought my mom when she told me to nap.
Throughout the year 2011, my eyes really opened to the people in my life and the surroundings of my life, as well. My eyes really opened up to myself. I started having a different outlook on people. Instead of getting angry or annoyed by things they did that drove me up the wall or hurt me, I stepped aside myself and thought about the reason why they are that way and I wasn't going to let it affect me. That even though they don't deserve my respect, I still believe in karma and I still believe in being good to people. As much as things in 2011 have backfired on me by just simply trying to be a nice person, I still hope that I'll get something in return someday for all the good karma I put out. I've accepted that some people are just never going to be happy, satisfied.... That some will always be haters. That's them. Not me. I will not let others try and define who I am when they don't bother to ask me what's going on in my life. When they don't even talk to me. When they only want something from me. They do not know who I am. Whether they think they do or not. I have also realized a lot about me and things that need to change. I have flaws. Just like you. I am not perfect. And I never will be. I understand that there are things about me that aren't good. Trust me, I know they're there, so don't act like I never knew. They aren't good things and I want to change that.
So, 2012, the end of my world as I know it.
I am admitting my faults and when I'm wrong. I'm not always right. I don't know everything. There are always new things to learn everyday and from everyone. This is the year to have more compassion... To have more passion... To step away in bad situations. To not be apart of something that is mindless or doesn't involve me. To continue good karma. To smile more. To treat my body better. I know it's feigning for good nutrients and health! To laugh more. To think before I speak. To understand and acknowledge that everyone is going through something and someone always has it worse. To keep promises. To have more dreams. To make the current ones real. To be a better friend... a better person. To be more calm. To have patience. To not alienate myself from the outside. To speak up. To be honest. To be nice. To not be angry at everything. To walk away when someone tries to hurt you. To walk away when someone tries to start a problem. To be more understanding. To let go those that don't matter or care. To hold on to those that do. To take time out of doing me to be there for friends and family. To watch my P's and Q's. To use thank you and you're welcome. To say hello and goodbye. To ask how are you. To put others before you. To do more than say more. Cry when it's needed, it's good for the heart and soul. To not be affected by mindless drama. To be more mature. To have a bigger heart. To hug and kiss more. To be more involved. To have desire and motivation. To read more. To explore more. Take more hikes. Walk and bike. Learn to save in every situation. To be the bigger person not the better person. To draw more. To be helpful. More yes and less no. To not always give an opinion. To know when to stop and when to speak. Drink more water. Do more good things for the earth and society. Listen to music. Write more. Get out thoughts. Take frustrations out on a journal, not people. To say I love you more. Donate. Support. To be less annoyed. To make goals and complete them. To start projects and finish them. Have less pet peeves. Take more pictures. Take deep breaths. Stop and smell the roses. Run. Be happy for others. Express gratitude. Keeping looking forward.
Relax.
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